Listed here are some questions and myths our mediators hear most frequently here at CPDS.
- Do my spouse and I have to get along with one another?
- What if we have attorneys or have been going to court?
- What if we have been representing ourselves or using a paralegal?
- How long does divorce mediation take to complete?
- Why should we use mediation, why not go to court?
- What if we have complicated financial issues?
- What if mediation doesn’t work?
- What if we are already divorced and only need to make changes?
- Do we have to be in the same room with one another?
- I’ve heard that the courts provide mediation, is this the same thing?
1. Do my spouse and I have to get along with one another?
No. Most people who are getting divorced are doing so because they are not getting along. Most of the time, they are not feeling friendly toward one another. This is expected. Your mediator will be very accustomed to working with people who prefer not to even be in the same room with one another. Your mediator will help the two of you focus on the issues at hand and deal with your differences in a manner that benefits both of you. Sometimes, people have been separated for long enough that emotions have been defused, and the couple does get along well. You may not believe it now, but eventually you too will probably get along and even be friendly.
2. What if we already have attorneys or have been
going to court?
No problem. Many times, people are not aware of mediation initially, and start out hiring attorneys. Often times, they are not satisfied. They begin to realize how impersonal, inefficient, and costly litigation is. You can transition into mediation at any time. Sometimes, people are concerned that it will cost too much to do so because they have already paid their attorneys; however, usually you will actually still save money through mediation. There comes a time when you must cut your losses and move on.
3. What if we have been representing ourselves or
using a paralegal?
No problem. Often, in an attempt to save money and retain control, people attempt to complete the process on their own or hire a paralegal. Often, they realized shortly thereafter (or after things have dragged on for way too long!) that this was not the best choice for them. Usually, they are pleasantly surprised at how quickly we are able to turn things around and get this over and done with for them. Our specialized experience will ensure that you have a legally enforceable judgment which adopts your agreement. We will ensure that your agreement says what you intended (often times people with out extensive family law experience draft an agreement which they believe means something other than what it really does.) It is cheaper to invest the money up front to make sure that things are done right than it is to pay to fix things after they are done wrong.
4. How long will divorce mediation take to complete?
Usually a couple of months. Some couples are actually done in less time. This is very case dependent, but most of our clients have completed their agreement, and signed all necessary documents within two months of starting with us. Keep in mind that once you sign all of the documents, we have to submit them to the court; however, by that time, you are done with mediation, and you are just waiting to get your papers back from the court. In California, there is a 6 month waiting period prior to the actual status of marriage being dissolved. Your Judgment will set forth the date that your status of marriage is dissolved, and it automatically happens on the day set forth in you Judgment, with no further hearings or documents. All other agreements become orders of the court as soon as the Judge signs your Judgment.
5. Why should we use mediation? Why not go to court?
Mediation is not for everyone. If you do not trust your spouse to share and you feel you do not have access to pertinent information, mediation may not be a good option for you. Litigation exacerbates an already difficult situation. If you are successful in mediation you will have saved time, money and have solutions created by you in a private atmosphere. You never have to go to court! We will complete all the necessary court paperwork for you.
6. What if we have more complicated financial issues?
Often couples with complicated financial issues are referred to mediation precisely because of this situation. Your mediator is a neutral party, reviewing all of the pertinent information and doing so together with each of you in the privacy of our offices. Our mediators are equipped with the appropriate references to other professionals that can better review and assist you in understanding the whole picture as well as a futuristic picture. With attorneys, an entire process of obtaining discovery and having separate parties review each and every document becomes overwhelming and a lot of time, confusing for everyone involved. With your mediator, you are able to remain in control of your finances and feel comfortable in doing so.
7. What if mediation doesn’t work?
Everything in mediation remains confidential. If mediation, at some point in the process, does not work out for you, you can be rest assured that all topics discussed within our sessions are confidential. In addition, you only pay for the time that you have used. If mediation is not productive, you can always switch tracks.
8. What if we are already divorced and only need changes made?
Our mediation services cover all family law related issues. If you have already been divorced and only need to make changes to an already existing agreement, we may assist you in doing so. Our mediators often assist couples that have never been married and are only mediating child related issues. Our mediator’s also assist couples in dissolving domestic partnerships.
9. Do we have to be in the same room with one another?
Most of our mediations are conducted with the two of you together. Sometimes it is helpful to have individual sessions as well. Even when people initially do not want to meet together, they usually become comfortable after meeting the mediator and becoming familiar with the process.
10. I hear the court provides mediation, is this the same thing?
No. Our mediation services are private and voluntary. We do not handle any court referrals. We are not associated with court ordered mediation. Our services address all issues, while court ordered mediation usually only deals with child custody and visitation. Furthermore, often court ordered mediation is not confidential, our sessions are always confidential. We also prepare all documents for you, including a comprehensive Marital Settlement Agreement.
